Doing in your head before doing in the world
I want to talk about an inattentive experience I’m having today. It’s been a long while, luckily, since I’ve dealt with this one, but I must have just the right mix of fatigue, estrogen (big effect on the AD/HD), and piles of stuff to do. From working with my clients I think it’s an experience a lot of predominantly inattentive type folks have, and maybe some non-ADD folks as well, but it’s something with which people usually struggle without having it identified. It goes like this:
I have an errand or chore to do. I think of this task, then I start doing it— in my head. I imagine all the details of it in sequence. It’s the kind of visualization that you would think would be helpful if you were an athlete with a goal, and you actually intended to imagine it in mind-numbing detail.
Only you didn’t mean to imagine it at all, and rather than being a tool of getting focused, it feels like something your mind is doing; it is going through a whole activity on its own, without your permission. It just goes there and does that. So I’ve gotten in the car, with all of my stuff (and in my case, the baby and his stuff). I’ve driven to 128 south, got off a few exits later and driven down another road to the running store. I’ve parked, got the baby out of his seat and into his stroller, walked over to the store, tried to explain to the salesperson that I want the cheaper running shoes, accepted the fact that this still puts me in the $90 range, tried them on, mulled and been uncertain, grumbled, purchased, and departed. Oh wait! I’m still at home thinking about doing this. Oh drat! now it seems tiring and boring, for I’ve gone through the mental motions already.
It’s easier to deal with this mental rehearsal crap now that I:
- Know it happens
- Don’t criticize myself for it
- Know that even though I’ve done it in my head, I don’t necessarily have the energy/time to really do it today
- Let it go if I don’t do it
- Watch the whole process just go by, like a river I’m sitting next to.
- See it as what my brain is up to, not what I’m choosing to do.
- Check in about my energy level and general state of being ~ why is my mind off in uncontrolled land today?
- Try to laugh it off
I have realized from my own experiences and talking with others that this is the kind of experience that people don’t talk about that much as part of their inattentive experience. Yet it can be exhausting. And it can be confused with ruminating or obsessing. I see it more as my mind going off on an adventure without me… sound familiar to anyone?
Jan 28, 2009 @ 21:12:17
I just listened to your talk on ADDclasses last night (which I found very helpful, BTW) and so I was checking out your blog posts, and I have to say–This is an EXACT description of what I do/how I feel and this is the first time I have heard/read about it from someone else in the outside world. I’m relating to a lot of things in your blog, so thanks for writing it!
Sep 14, 2009 @ 19:43:58
I’ve never heard anyone else describe this… but I do it all the time. It’s only in the past few months that I’ve really thought about the effects that it has on me. It’s always just unconsciously been the tool I use to see if I really feel like doing something. The details of the energy and mental levels of the effort involved in whatever it is I need to do are calculated and compared against my current state to see if I feel like doing whatever it is I have thought through.
The only problem with this is that when I’m feeling lazy it makes me not want to do anything involving concentration. Combined with the fact that once I’m out of the house and doing whatever it is, I have a different mental state and no longer feel like not doing it.
I’m not describing it too good… but since you’ve noticed the experience for yourself, you probably understand what I am getting at. I definitely plan on coming back to your page later on and reading everything else on here. I just happened to randomly stumble across this post on a related search… but I am immensely glad that I did.
Even the top left quote on your page resonates with me… about thinking too much and too fast. I am most definitely the inattentive subgroup, and if I had a choice… I don’t think I would have it any other way. I love how I think, the extremely lateral path that my thoughts take. When I start on a thought, there is no telling where I’ll end… and on that note, I believe that I am rambling again and will sign off for now
Oct 08, 2009 @ 11:49:35
I’m so glad what I write makes sense- and gives some sense of connection to your experience. That’s why I wanted to start writing some of this stuff down! Thanks so much for reading AND commenting.
-Becca
Mar 21, 2011 @ 12:15:39
I do this same exact thing, but i think through conversations in my head beforehand more often than I do activities. I will have a conversation with someone I’ve been meaning to talk to, and in the process I will lose interest in actually having that conversation with them (or I will feel like I’ve already had it) and it will never happen. This happens a lot when I want to confront or have an argument with my wife, and it will never happen in reality as a result. I will hash out the details of what I want to say to perfection and then leave the whole thing in my head and move on to the next distraction.